Job hunting is a lot like Sisyphus. Constantly pushing a massive rock up a hill only having to do it over and over again. Feeling like you are making progress then realizing that the rock has fallen down the hill again and again.

It can take a toll not only on you but on your family.

The job hunt can be difficult for not just your personal mental state but the people that love and care about you. They watch as you toil and fight to find a company that aligns with your goals, your needs, and your wants. Even after the rounds of interviews, the constant Zoom, and even the presentations that you need to make, those can be incredibly disheartening. It's maddening and one thinks there's got to be an easier way. An option that allows you to make this just a little bit simpler. But I certainly haven't found one.

As I think about my personal emotional health I worry about the stress and anxiety that can come with the job hunt. Am I taking good care of myself, am I having a few too many cocktails at night, am I taking it out on my family? I certainly hope I can say no to those things but…

I have to constantly tell myself that I've accomplished alot, that I've built teams and systems, and experiences that shouldn't be too difficult to find another great job but staying positive is never an easy task.

Back to Sisyphus

"As a punishment for his crimes Hades made Sisyphus roll a huge boulder endlessly up a steep hill in Tartarus.[8][18][19] The maddening nature of the punishment was reserved for Sisyphus due to his hubristic belief that his cleverness surpassed that of Zeus himself. Hades accordingly displayed his own cleverness by enchanting the boulder into rolling away from Sisyphus before he reached the top which ended up consigning Sisyphus to an eternity of useless efforts and unending frustration. Thus, pointless or interminable activities are sometimes described as "Sisyphean". Sisyphus was a common subject for ancient writers and was depicted by the painter Polygnotus on the walls of the Lesche at Delphi.[20]"

The hubris idea though definitely hits because I didn't see my layoff coming. I was doing great work, I had built a team that felt empowered and ready to get great work out the door. But, maybe that was my downfall. I didn't keep my eye on the ball close enough and things around me got away from me. I had too much confidence and too little self-awareness to know that things can come crashing down around you at any moment.

While this can be a little too hard on myself, it makes me think. What didn't I see, where was I off in my approach? Did I trust the people around me and above too much? Probably. I tend to be way too trusting by nature and think that everyone is good but in the end, maybe they aren't. Maybe I need to approach things with a little more me first and if I'm spending too much time on a certain individual and not on the business then something should be done.

The hill still sits in front of me.

I'm going to keep pushing this rock up the hill and continue to evaluate myself and my choices. I'm always trying to grow and be better and this is just a hurdle that I will overcome. I have no doubt that I will find an even better job that really fits and will be where I can grow but it's going to take time. I know that and I have to just be patient and ready to dig in.